Letter From the Future

Hey Big Chief,

It's good to have you two back. Hope you had a blast on your honeymoon in Mexico. It's, uh, been a while. Actually it's been longer than you know. Are you sitting down?

I've been chosen by Operation Brightside to be the Administrator for you and Katie's Adjustment Plan. I was chosen for my stoicism and stability to help you through what may be a difficult time for the two of you. Some things have changed since you've been away. It's probably better if I start from the beginning.

Do you remember hearing about the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva? Scientists there were going to try and duplicate conditions similar to the Big Bang, basically "just to see." There was a lot of speculation that they would, among other things, create a black hole or some other rift in the space/time continuum. They faced everything from lawsuits to death threats to get them to cancel their proposed experimentation.

The first experiment was to take place on Wednesday, September 10, 2008. I know. This Wednesday? you're thinking. Just bear with me a moment. Determined to carry out their plans with less publicity, they ran their first test on Sunday, September 7. Yesterday, right? What ended up happening, well, it wasn't the doomsday scenario that some had predicted, but it was fairly serious in it's own right.

They're calling it a Temporal Ripple. The Ripple only seemed to affect matter in a sort of sphere around the planet, a shell beginning 32,000 feet above the surface and ending at about 40,000 feet. Exactly the airspace that commercial airliners occupy. I know you, and I think you can guess where I'm going with this, right?

Well, your returning flight was one of many that was affected. For you, the flight probably seemed pretty normal. Maybe a little turbulence, but nothing out of the ordinary. For us? Well, many hundreds of aircraft disappeared on that long ago night. Only in the last month or two have they started to return. Flights that were physically closer to the Collider returning sooner than, for example, your flight.

How long were you away? Well, let's save an exact number for when we meet for drinks. Every effort was made to make your arrival back in St. Louis appear exactly as it would have if nothing unusual had happened. Right now, for example, your net is showing you information as it appeared back when you should have returned. Operation Brightside's doing, though I can't say I 100% agree with all their methods. The city around you should appear almost exactly as you left it, also OB's doing through their Preservation/Restoration program.

Hmm. Trying to bring you up to speed. Obama won the election, served two terms, and was so successful and popular that he was named President for Life at the end of his second term. No one complained much, actually. Just a few wingnuts who have since been relocated.

Remember how you had that thing about how Zoe Samways was going to lead us out of darkness? Well, you weren't far off. About a year after you left, she went through the usual round of childhood diseases. Totally normal. However, she was only showing symptoms for each ailment for about 12 hours. When her chicken pox blisters started drying up almost as soon as they appeared, Theresa and Damien were thrilled, of course, but also realized how strange it was.

Doctors didn't realize what they were witnessing at first. Seems that Zoe's body was somehow emptying out viruses of their DNA/RNA, refilling them with her own "codes," and sending them on their way, this time "infecting" her and those around her with good health, excellent eyesight, sometimes even red hair!

When scientists got their wits about them (Damien himself was a lead researcher) they were led to a new understanding of genetics, and also suddenly possessed the means of ending many of humanity's ailments. They also came away with the means to boost existing human abilities and traits. It's been a long, exciting journey for all of us!

Along with this exciting new field came the perfection of cloning, and the ability to "infect" the clone with the previous memories of the original organism. In fact, the word "clone" has fallen out of fashion, "ghola," in tribute to Frank Herbert's vision from his Dune books, is now the term of choice. Your pets have been prepared for you to be the same approximate age they were when you left. Amazing, isn't it? Give little 12-Bella a scratch behind the ears for me.

What else? The "internet" has changed quite a bit. I think you'll be excited about it. Let me just say that you two will need to be grown some stem-cell ports to access the new net.

So, let's meet up! Sometime this week? We'll go to Old Mangia in what is now Restored South City. It should look just the same, if not better, than when you left. Last time 5-Jen and I were there, there was still a Bridget working there. I think it's 14-Bridget. The Bridgets tend to get a little reckless in their 30's, and are prone to "accidents," so there's been many generations. I think it's still only 3-Jim though, and yes, it's still stormy between those two!

We've got a lot to catch up on. Hope to see you soon,

5-Jason

Adjustment Admin.

Operation Brightside

Linkbloggin' w Unkie Bunny (now with embeds!)

You want links? I got links:

- Stuff White People Like, my new favorite blog. Not only funny, but so accurate that it made me feel kind of guilty. Made me want to stop liking some things that I like just so I couldn't be so accurately pinned down. But then it occurred to me that wanting to feel unique and un-pinned-down is another Thing that White People Like.

A sample from #67 Standing Still at Concerts:

. . .when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.

- I found out about Desktop Tower Defense about a year ago, and every couple of months I rediscover it and waste frightening amounts of time playing. Waves of enemies try to get from one side of your desk to another while you build a maze of upgradeable weapon towers to slow them down and stop them. Simple and fun and very, very addictive. Tip: Last upgrade pays for all.

- Sushi Go Round also keeps me amused, like the cocaine monkey pulling the cocaine lever over and over and over.

- Mushroom Life is relaxing, and will make you feel smart by doing very little.

- yugop.com has been around for a while, is very cool, and is hard to describe. "Yugo Nakamura is a creative director, designer and engineer exploring various forms of interactive system in digital and networked environment," says the About. The menu is in the lower lefthand corner, along with tiny instructions for each . . . thing. Be sure to check out the archives. Lots of cool stuff in there.

- ˙ʎʇıunʇɹoddo pooƃ ɐ ǝʞıl sɯǝǝs sıɥʇ ˙ʇı punoɟ ı ǝɔuıs ʇı pǝsn ʎllɐǝɹ ʇ,uǝʌɐɥ puɐ 'ǝƃɐd sıɥʇ ʇnoqɐ ʇoƃɹoɟ ʎllɐʇoʇ ı

- Hikaru dorodango from the About page: "Hikaru dorodango are balls of mud, molded by hand into perfect spheres, dried, and polished to an unbelievable luster. The process is simple, but the result makes it seem like alchemy." A site about this pastime of Japanese children with a gallery and instructions for making your own.

I love Robot Chicken. I think I've sent this one, The Death of He-Man, to about everyone I know already, but here it is again:

On a related note:

Alright, just one more and then I'm out:

Indiscipline

Below are the lyrics to King Crimson's Indiscipline, which are ringing really true right now.

I do remember one thing.
It took hours and hours but..
by the time I was done with it,
I was so involved, I didn't know what to think.
I carried it around with me for days and days..
playing little games
like not looking at it for a whole day
and then.. looking at it.
to see if I still liked it.
I did.

I repeat myself when under stress.
I repeat myself when under stress.
I repeat myself when under stress.
I repeat myself when under stress.
I repeat..
The more I look at it,
the more I like it.
I do think it's good.
The fact is..
no matter how closely I study it,
no matter how I take it apart,
no matter how I break it down,
It remains consistent.
I wish you were here to see it.

I like it.

Success!

I've been trying, for about a month now, to teach one of the autistic guys that I work with to say, "We're gonna turn this mother out!" When he (I'll call him "Mr. D") first started with us, he brought a handful of idioms with him, most notably: "I'm gonna work you to death," used when he's feeling particularly energetic, and "We've gotta play it by ear," used when the outcome of any given situation is uncertain.

Mr. D's picked up, from some of the other "normal functioning" employees there, a handful of other metaphoric expressions. "We gotta get up outta this hole!" Used as a sort of whip-crack. "Friday's big payroll!" a morale-booster. But to that last one, he's also added, "Eagles fly!" I'm not really sure what that one's all about, or what he's misinterpreting, but hearing him gleefully shout out, "Friday's big payroll, eagles fly!" in his Pee Wee Herman/Rainman voice is usually all it takes to break me out of whatever work-rut funk I happen to be in.

But I think we've had a breakthrough with this new one. He was having trouble with the inflection when I first introduced the phrase to him. He wanted to emphasize the word "mother" instead of "out," which, for me, subtly robs the expression of it's power. And then, in his way of not understanding metaphor, would say, "Turn this mother out. Friday give my mother my paycheck!" A conceptual disconnect. Hmm.

It was then that I realized that I hadn't exactly explained the meaning of this particular expression to him yet. I had seen him take a literal interpretation of metaphors before: One of his former work coaches had once said, jokingly, "Let's go to the mall, pick up chicks!" and Mr. D had said, "Lift paychecks with our strong muscles!" I had been coaching him on this new expression in context of pep talks about the coming day's tasks, which he likes to review every morning, but then it occurred to me to explain, "Do you know what 'Turn this mother out' means?" Silence. Then, "What. Means. 'Turn-this-mother-out?"

"It means Get This Job Done!" to which he shouted "How's that!" which is his way of saying "Oh, of course. Now I understand!"

So just this last week, unprovoked, I overheard him on the production line shout out to one of his line-mates, "We gotta turn this mother out!" Success!

Face Recognition - Celebrity Matchups

Through various sources, I've been directed to the My Heritage website, which provides free tools for creating photo-based family trees. But they also have this face recognition tool that will scan your photo and find celebrities that most resemble, if not you, then the photo of you that you've submitted. It's great fun and it's totally free. You don't even have to set up an account to use it!

Here's mine:



They also have this Morph application. I picked Andy Garcia, who, of all the choices, I thought was the closest resemblance:



Then Toshiro Mifune. I didn't see the resemblance at all until setting the morph points. It's the mouth. I have Toshiro Mifune's mouth:



Go, and do likewise.

Falafel on South Grand!

Saturday I was walking toward the Gelateria on S. Grand (with pbrstreetgang) and saw that the Middle Eastern market right across the street from Jay International is under new ownership. On a chalkboard in the window was scrawled, among other things, "Falafel Sandwiches." I'm sure pbr thought I was going to pee in my pants, so I relaxed and made a mental note.

Today, after making my delivery of beansprouts to Jay Int., I scuttled across the street, made my way to the back of the store, and made my order, which the smiling woman behind the counter told me would take a couple of minutes. In addition to my sandwich, I also ordered a spinach pie and a piece of baklava that looked home-made (and I mean that in the best possible way). Also on the menu were Hummus, Babaganoush, a cheese pie, and some other things I didn't recognize.

The sandwich, well, it was no Al-Tarboush, and a little on the small side, but it was very decent it's here on South Grand. The woman was so happy to have a customer order hot food that she gave me an extra piece of baklava for free! I think that with a little steadier clientele, and a few suggestions here and there (feta and hummus in the sandwich maybe?) this place could really shine. Then all South Grand would need, IMO, is an Indian restaurant and I would never have to leave the neighborhood.

Winter's Wolves?

The wife and I just recently went on a cruise of the Caribbean and it was, for the most part, relaxing and enjoyable. Unfortunately, everywhere we would go, and with few exceptions, the proper soundtrack for these lovely environs was deemed to be reggae. If there wasn't a live band in the vicinity, there was a sound system blaring, making sure we got our daily allotment. I thought I had managed to finally tune it out when a reggae version of a Jimmy Buffett song made my brain collapse in on itself. Sure, we had heard our share of Mr. Buffett's music on this trip as well, but this. . . this. . .

Obviously, I'm still having trouble with that memory. When we would, however, find ourselves a nice, quiet corner, mostly we would enjoy the quiet. But a couple of times, hanging in our cabin, we'd listen to some music off my laptop, which I had kind of furtively brought along. Lounge, samba, jazz. All of these seemed to suit. But an odd thing happened.

On two separate occasions, when the music we had chosen ran out, the next stuff in line happened to be metal. Mastodon in one instance. Celtic Frost the other time. And while I normally would have enjoyed listening to either of these bands, I sat puzzled for a moment before skipping past them. They seemed to have lost their power.

I pointed this out to my wife, who despises most metal, and we conjectured that maybe metal loses it's power closer to the equator. We agreed that it seems to be a music more suited to northern climates, places where there is even the possibilty of winter. And snow.

This answer suited me for the rest of the vacation. When we got home, and I was a few days into my normal routine, I put on some Mastodon in the car and was relieved to feel my head start nodding, my pulse quickening. Rawk!! I thought about our Metal Only for Northerners hypothesis and rejected it, thinking "But what about Brazil! They love metal in Brazil."

Having been back for a few weeks now, I think I've figured it out. As embarrassing as it is to admit, metal is, for me anyway, primarily escapist. And it gives voice, I think, to frustration. On vacation in the Caribbean, shit. Frustrated with what? Escape from what?